The Goin' Owens

Becky Owen

A Mom’s “Giving Up” for Lent

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Disclaimer:  This is more of a post for my “mommy friends” I miss so much from back home than a missionary’s musings…but all are welcome to read!  Be entertained, and perhaps even inspired!

Today, as we begin Lent, I thought I’d think through “giving up” something for this season through Easter Sunday.  I haven’t done this in a while.  The goal of “giving something up for Lent” is to remind yourself of Jesus’ sacrifice for you each time you would otherwise do or eat whatever you gave up.  Ideally, you can use the time you would have used doing what you gave up to spend more focused time praying or reading Scripture to help center you on the character of Christ and really identify with His suffering.  By entering into His suffering and death during Lent, we see our own humanity and need, and prepare to enter all the more into the life offered to us at Christ’s resurrection on Easter.  
As a stay-at home mom, however, I have struggled with this idea.  A mother of young children gives up a lot already…but with little time to step back and fill it with other things (the kids fill it quite fully).  I really want to be practical in my spiritual discipline.  So, humor me here, and explore some of the ideas I came up with:

  •  I decided to give up filtering water for Lent.  It will save me a lot of time that I can use for Bible reading.  Plus, every time I go to drink water, I will be reminded to pray even harder for good health and protection! 
  •  I decided to give up bathing the kids for Lent.  It will save time and water and there will be many fewer tantrums and screaming about water getting into their eyes (reducing my need for patience).  This is made even easier when there is a water outage.  We will just play in the rain.  
  •  I decided to give up changing diapers for Lent.  Again, this will save me a lot of time.  So, each time Rachel needs to be changed, I’ll just go to a quiet place and read my Bible instead. 
  •  I decided to give up giving the kids snacks.  This way, each time they want to eat between meals, I will send them to get it for themselves and I will read them Scripture as they do so.  
  •  I decided to give up feeding the dog for Lent.  This way, each time the dog begs for food, I will be reminded of Jesus’ sacrifice for me. 
  • I decided to give up washing dishes for Lent.  The enormous amount of time saved by doing so will allow me to serve others as Jesus served us.
  • I decided to give up answering my 3-year-old’s questions, starting with “Why?”  In this way, I will have a LOT more brain power to offer to spiritual things.
  • I decided to give up my free time for Lent.  Oh wait, I gave that up when we had kids…
Poor Simba…waiting for her breakfast.
Of course, these ideas are absurd and don’t really get around to the true purpose behind giving something up for Lent.  As I thought about giving something up I felt a bit defeated.  By giving something up, I’m to make room in my schedule, my mind and my heart to allow Jesus in; to meditate on his sacrifice for me and the sacrifice I am called to offer back to him through my life and living. 
But, instead of “giving up” this year, I think I will attempt to embrace the intended end of that loss by humbly opening up to receive.  So, instead of giving up something this Lent, I’m actually looking to fill up.  
I want to fill up with the sense that God has something to say to me (opening my ears to listen).  
I want to fill up with the love Jesus expressed while He walked this earth, chatting, healing, teaching, and loving people.   
I want to fill up with a new understanding of God’s grace and forgiveness not only for me, but also for those to whom I have not yet given grace or forgiveness.   
I want to fill up the empty spaces in my soul – not with meaningless excuses for fulfillment, but with the deep challenges God calls me to consider and respond to in the way I speak, act and think. 

 

So, here is my revised list of ideas:
Our water filter and dispenser,
visited frequently throughout each day.
  • When I filter water for my family to have safe drinking water throughout Lent, I will try to think about the Living Water Jesus wants to fill me with and how I can let it flow from me to others:  “…Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, ‘If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink.  Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him.’” – John 7:37b-38  


On the bathroom mirror next to the bathtub:
Lord, wash me…
Create in me a pure heart…
Renew a steadfast spirit in me…
Restore the joy of your salvation
Grant me a willing spirit to sustain me.
(taken from Psalm 51:7b, 10, 12)
  •  As I give my kids baths during Lent, I can think about how very much fun they have splashing in the water, repeatedly filling buckets and dumping them out again, squeezing sponges and filling them back up again, experimenting with water using funnels, old yogurt containers and little plastic boats.  God delights in us finding joy in Him.  Lent is a time pointing to Easter, the most joyous mark on the Christian calendar!    But, my kids really hate the part when I wash their hair and then insist on rinsing them off, too!  They just want to play.  As I bathe them, I can think about the parts of me that don’t want to let God in.  The parts where I want to keep the dirt in my hair and grime under my nails.  The parts I think I can hide from God, but he desperately wants to wash clean, knowing that I will be better for it and closer to him after I let Him.  So I will examine my heart and life asking:  What am I keeping from God?  How am I selfish and stubborn?  How can God move in me, or how can I move for God?

 

    Signs tied onto the diaper basket:
    “If anyone is in Christ,
    he is a new creation;
    the old has gone,
    the new has come!”
    2 Corinthians 5:17
    •  As I change and wash diapers for my daughter, I can think about what is inside of me that needs to come out!  Lent is a time of introspection, turning to take a look inside ourselves to acknowledge our vulnerabilities as humans and our deep need for God’s forgiveness and new life.  One remarkable characteristic of God is His mercy on us.  He doesn’t just forgive us once or twice, here or there (I don’t just change her diaper once or twice and let it go the other times), He forgives us each time we come before Him to say “I’m sorry, I messed up…again.”  Each time, He has mercy on us and grants forgiveness over and over and over and over again. “You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” – Ephesians 4:22-24 

     

    •  When my children ask for snacks during Lent, I will try to consider how God hears my requests and responds to them.  Sometimes my kids whine for a snack, seeming assuming that I won’t give it to them (otherwise, wouldn’t they just ask?).  Sometimes my kids grunt for a snack they see and want (feeling that they are entitled to what they want and assuming I know what they’re talking about).  Sometimes my kids just act grumpy, so I know it is time for a healthy snack.  How do these scenarios parallel how I address God?  How should I address God?  “If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!  So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 7:11-12 

    • When I feed the dog throughout Lent, I can think of Jesus’ sacrifice for me.  A little from Bobby* is helpful here:  “He [Jesus] pleads to be spared the dreaded hour come round at last, the bitter cup of suffering.  Three times he asks!  But in the end he says yes; he wills to do his Father’s will, whatever the cost.  And this is what Jesus asks of us during Lent, to say no and yes: ‘If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me’ (Mk 8:34)” 

    •  When I wash the dishes that are dirtied each day at our house, I will be thankful for the food that was on them.  I will thank God for the nourishing foods we are able to buy, prepare and eat.  I will pray for those who even live next door to me who do not have such variety.  I will ask God how we can responsibly “share our bread” with those who have none or little.  Lent is also a time to turn and take a look outside yourself, taking into account what it really means to follow Jesus and in so doing, serving others as He would.

    •  Free time…well, I still won’t have much of this, but when I do, I will try to ask myself some questions.  If I feel like watching a movie – why?  Is it to escape something?  Is it to be entertained? Is it to rest?  Watching movies (depending on the film) is not wrong, but it can be something we use to temporarily fill us up when we could be more sufficiently filled up through another activity.  God certainly promotes rest, but often, an activity done in the name of rest, can leave me more exhausted then when I started!  Like when I stay up too late to watch a movie that wasn’t all that great.  Perhaps, I should be quiet for a little, journal, create something, write to a friend and just go to bed early!
    And as for answering the endless questions of my 3-year-old, well, when I mentioned the idea at lunch today, this dialogue followed:
    Me: I have an idea!  I am going to give up answering the question “why?” for Lent.
    Micah:  Why?
    Me: Oh dear…
    The question “why?” is so intriguing, enticing and irresistible.  Yes, I will continue to give creatively detailed answers to my son’s blunt why-questions, but I will try to have an ounce more patience each time, knowing that I am investing in his understanding of the world – his worldview.  I suppose that is what Jesus would do.  After all, He came to re-frame the way we think about things, to bring a Kingdom where things seem upside-down in the way they are done (a King serving his followers, calling us to love our enemies, bless those who curse you, etc.) and to love us unconditionally, even when we are annoying.  Besides, in some small way, I can identify with Jesus’ suffering as I attempt to answer the “why” question about absolutely everything!
    *Living the Christian Year: Time to Inhabit the Story of God” by Bobby Gross p. 133.

    Post Office Friends

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    I just get a kick out of the box on the far right labeled
    “ELSEWHERE”
    Today, I tried to buy some postage stamps.  I went up to the window where I always go to pick up packages that don’t fit in our post office box.  There were two customers at the counter and no postal worker in sight.  I stood behind one customer thinking I would stand in line.  To be polite and give personal space, I stood back a little.  In time, a worker appeared with what customer #1 (C1) needed and went on to help another customer (C4) who had walked up to the counter ahead of C2 and me (C3).  Hmmm…did he not notice the rest of us?  Or is there some unwritten way of doing things that I don’t know about?
    Another customer (C5) came in and got service along with C2 who had edged over, but I still stood in “line”.  I could see that I could be standing there until closing if I kept up my behavior, so I decided to step up to the counter in hopes of getting service.  Yet another person, C6 got his stamps and left, all while I stood almost directly in front of the postal worker. 

    The stamps I bought…
    it takes 5 of ’em to send a post card!
    So, with money visibly in hand, just before he was finished with C7, I held up my postcard and asked “how much to send a post card to America?”  Finally, I got an answer, paid for my stamps and took what I paid for.  Next, I stretched my luck and asked for “Air Mail” stickers.  He had none, so directed me to the second clerk who had just appeared from the back.  I was greeted by a familiar warm smile and was given ample air mail stickers.

    Now, you need to know who gave me this “familiar warm smile”.  Rewind with me to just after New Year’s Day.  We had been receiving quite a few packages with Christmas and all, so visited the parcel pickup window often.  The same man and woman were always at the window as today when I bought stamps, but the woman always looked a bit grumpy as she plopped our packages on the counter and demanded a signature.  I wanted to break past the grumpy demeanor of this woman, but didn’t know how to, beyond sweetly smiling and eagerly submitting to her requests.  But, after the new year, I had something to talk about!  So, after greeting her in Chichewa and answering the usual greeting questions (How did you wake up?  How are the children? How is the baby?), I continued in English with “Happy New Year!”  Her face melted into a joyful smile and she said it was good, then asked how mine was.  I asked “Did you sing and dance all night until the sun came up?” to which she beamed “Yes!”…ever since that little personal interaction, she is no longer grumpy with me.  
    A beautiful flower that bloomed in our yard this week. 
    It surprised me with beauty where I didn’t expect it.
    May we be the same to others!
    This story really could have happened anywhere, right?  Are there any grumpy people you encounter on a routine basis?  How can you spring some light into their lives?  It’s not giving them a tract explaining sin and salvation…it’s not inviting them to a Bible study…it’s not trying to get them into a church building…it’s just being the Light of Christ without any labels or pressure.  
    But wait, how can you be the “Light of Christ” without talking about Christ?  It all goes back to that nifty quote usually attributed to Francis of Assisi: “Preach the Gospel, if necessary, use words.”  Who knows?  Maybe someday they’ll ask you about it.  Maybe not.  If the opportunity does surface to tell them about Jesus, they’ll be more likely to listen to you.  But in the mean time, you can serve as a reflection of Christ’s Light in their lives.

    Hoping for Water

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    drip

    drip
    drip
    drip        drip                        drip
                    drip        drip                                        drip        drip
    drip        drip        pitter patter       drip
    Pitter patter       pitter patter       pitter patter
    ROOOOOOOAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRR*Splash*Gush*ROOOOOOOAAARRRRRR
    ROOOOAAAARRRRRRRRRR*SSSSSHHHHHHHHH*Gush*ROOOOOOOAAARRRRRRRR
    This is the onset of a rainstorm during rainy season.  Sometimes, it just stops after the pitter patter, but we LOVE it when it continues on to the ROAR stage and doesn’t let up for a while.  It’s kinda like the feeling you get in the states when a snow storm starts up quickly.  Everyone stops what they are doing and just stares out the window in wonder of God’s power in creation.  (well, some are also worried about travel conditions and how much their back will hurt after shoveling, but let’s dwell on the positive, shall we?)
    water harvesting!

    There’s another part of this story, though.  Since, ironically, we’ve had a water shortage lately, the pitter patter triggers a little game.  It’s called “quick, get as many buckets or containers as you can find and put them in the gutter!”  And on days like today, when the storm has already achieved the ROAR stage before we get them all out, it results in at least one of us getting drenched.  It is one thing to position the containers in the gutter quickly, but another thing to position them optimally at the direction of the (dry) spouse on the porch.  I (Becky) am often the wet one, but I eagerly jump in it.  It feels like a relay race at summer camp or Olympic day in elementary school.  These are good memories, and I’m making some more good memories in the process of harvesting water!

    By this point, you may be wondering a few things:

    1. Why would there be a water shortage during rainy season? 
    2.  How does one position containers in a gutter (aren’t they on the roof?) 
    3.  What does one do during a water shortage? 
    4.  Can you get TOO MUCH water? (news/prayer update)

    Read on to find the answers (pictures and videos will help!)

    Why would there be a water shortage during rainy season?

    Well, there is always a possibility of water shortage in both the dry and rainy seasons.  Beyond that, we really don’t know.  From what we can tell, a lot of it has to do with infrastructure.  In other words, the way we get our water through the water authority isn’t perfect. Today (day 11 of outage) the water authority has acknowledged that there is a problem and that it may be another 2-3 weeks before it is solved. Plus, the water supply we are connected to comes from downhill, so a number of things can go wrong there.  However, there is a tap on campus supplied from uphill which rarely runs out, so there is at least a place to go to get water, but even that has been affected, less severely, by the same problem this week.
    How does one position containers in a gutter (aren’t they on the roof?)

    Here’s a little video (3 minutes) explaining our gutter system and some footage of a recent rain storm.  We had a lot of fun making it!  :o)
    God’s beauty in Malawi – all green during rainy season!

     In case you can’t see the video, I’ll give the explanation in a nutshell.  Our gutters are not on the edge of the roof as they are in the states.  They are on the ground.  The water comes so fast, it would easily overwhelm a traditional gutter system.  So, as it pours off the roof (usually corrugated metal), it is caught by a 2-3 foot across concrete channel that lines the house and runs away from the house down the hill to a huge drain.  The live demonstration of this system is impressive!

    What does one do during a water shortage?

    We have been without running water for 11 days*, now.  There are a few hours here and there that we discover water in the pipes and try to catch as much as possible. This means that when we turn on the faucet, our expectation of water has changed to hope of water.  We no longer expect there to be water flowing when we turn the handle to wash our hands.  Instead, we hope, with baited breath, that there is water.   But there is none.  This has become the new normal.

    catching rain water during our (almost) daily rainstorms

    But, how do you get by for 11 days without water?  We try to be prepared for water outages by storing water in jerry cans in the garage and filtered water in other jugs in the pantry.  The jerry cans last between two and three days for things like flushing toilets and washing dishes.  When the reserve is used up, we are thankful that there is a tap on campus where we (and all the students and other campus residents) can go to get water.  This tap rarely runs out because that water comes from a different source.  However, this means that after you fill a container with water, then you have to walk it back to your residence.  For us, this is about a quarter mile.  (Not too fun, but before you throw a pity party for us, our house helper has been the one who does most of the water carrying when we need it.  She is amazing, as most any Malawian woman is, at carrying water or anything else on her head.)

    Can you get TOO MUCH water? (news/prayer update)
     

    Many houses collapsed in the flash floods

    There are parts of Malawi that have received too much water last week.  Several regions have been experiencing flash floods which have affected some Brethren in Christ households.  At present, we are aware of 20 households who have been displaced due to these floods.  Yesterday, some of our coworkers and BIC church leaders loaded our truck with supplies (maize flour, plastic sheets, etc.) and traveled to one of the affected areas.  They went to deliver supplies, encourage the families and get first-hand knowledge about the extent of the situation.  Please pray for the safety of these families and so many others who are struggling right now.

    A major problem across the countryside during rainy season
    is that bathroom structures fall over or collapse,
    leaving dangerous and unsanitary conditions.
    Bags of maize flour piled up to distribute to BIC families
    affected by the floods in northeastern Malawi.

     

    * In the process of writing this post, our water did come back…and is back out again.

    Shedding Some Light

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     Here they come!  It’s Epiphany and now the three wise men may enter the scene.  But do they come to the stable?  Notice, the stable is empty…where did Jesus go?!?!  Well, by the time the wise men visited Jesus, he and his parents had moved on and he was perhaps around the age of two (but I am no authority on the subject, he just wasn’t a baby anymore).   The wise men followed a God-given star to find and visit the Messiah and to give him gifts.  The theme continues to be light.  Epiphany has to do with disclosing, unveiling, to bring to light…in other words, shedding some light on the subject.   So, just as Advent/Christmas was the season we remembered Jesus coming as a baby, the season of Epiphany is when we remember the coming of the wise men and are taken into Jesus’ adult ministry with His baptism and first miracle.  Each of these stories is a part of Epiphany because it reveals Jesus’ true identity.  He is the Light in the darkness and isn’t overcome by it.
    Now, you may be asking yourself why I write so much on these “little” Christian holidays that you may not even hear about in your own church – and certainly not in the Hallmark card isle.  Well, we are told to dwell in God’s Word, the Bible, God’s story.  We are to “rehearse” it, go over it again and again.  In so doing we start seeing new things about it, going deeper, having epiphanies about who Jesus was, who He is and who He hopes to be in our lives.  Without this rehearsing and repetition, we are likely to forget!  Then we drift into our own understanding and misunderstandings of the world.  And the Light we are to reflect from Christ to the world dims.  I often feel dim.  So I go back to the Word and fan the flame to be more like it – a truer representation of God, my Father, my source, my guide.
    Our Epiphany centerpiece
    Yesterday I moved our Advent wreath off the table.  Today, I replaced it with an arrangement for Epiphany:
    Candles – representing the light Jesus brought to the world
    Three candles – representing the three gifts the wise men brought to Jesus.
    Star shaped seed pods– representing the star that guided the wise men to visit Jesus.
    Seed pod – These were on our Advent wreath too. They still represent God’s posture of love as He sends His only Son to earth to show us the extent of His love for us.  It is also the posture we can have to God, welcoming Him into our lives. 
    A mirror – representing the way we are to be light to the world, reflecting Jesus’ light. (yes, this is a mirror from an L.L. Bean travel bag…you go with what you have!)
    Tapestry – representing the wealth of the wise men and the Kingship of Christ (I wanted to find something purple, but ended up with white)
    Why do I try to rehearse these things with my kids even though they are only 3 and 1 years old?  Because we are told to by God.  “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.  Impress them on your children.  Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up” (Deuteronomy 6:6-7).   Now it’s true, this passage is referring specifically to the laws God gave his people, the Jews, but Jesus came to complete or fulfill the Law (see Matthew 5:17).  So now we look to what Jesus did and said by walking through the Christian year so we can remember it and align our lives to carry on the light Jesus revealed.  We talk about it in the common things like sitting down to a meal together and snuggling on the couch to read a story and look at pictures.  Then, out of that come questions as we walk down the street or get strapped into the truck for a drive to town.  These are all normal times that become special because of the Light that Jesus shines in when we invite and welcome Him in our everyday lives.  Today, by setting aside a few minutes to read a story (we’re talking “toddler minutes” here…nothing elaborate!) and making a simple centerpiece for the table we eat on, we provide opportunity for learning, questions and dialogue about things that are important to us.
    Plus, through explaining what we believe to children, we gain a better understanding ourselves.  Kids ask straight questions about what they see and hear so that they can make honest sense of their world.  Sometimes, we lose that in adulthood.  It’s challenging, but rewarding (and sometimes embarrassing or humorous) to answer children’s questions, but often it is also participating in epiphany – shedding light on the subject for young and old alike.  Today’s questions included:
    Why was Herod mean?
    Why can Jesus turn water into wine?
    What is a Christian?
    Am I a Christian?
    I am reminded of what so many missionary moms have told me:  “Your kids are your first mission field.”  Even though we have uprooted and moved to another continent to share God’s love, preach the Gospel and nourish the believers here, our children are those who are watching our every move and listening to our every word, learning about Christ through us much more than anyone on our street or in Jonathan’s classes is.  That is the humbling intensity of a parent’s job and a reflector of Christ. 

    Rain

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    A few Sundays ago during church it began to rain.  Hard.  It happened just as the children’s time finished up after which we take all the kids up the hill (yes, outside) to the nursery and Sunday School.

    After I (Becky) returned to the service I had to move up about 7 rows (out of maybe 10?) in hopes of hearing anything the pastor was saying.  With a metal roof, windows always open,  a concrete structure and no amplification system, it was impossible to hear much.

    It was prayer time. I tried to catch any line I could and think about it.  The one that stood out most to me was something about God being just.  I don’t even know what the pastor was praying for specifically – that is all I heard for a few paragraphs, so I let it sink in.

    Just that morning I had read Habakkuk.  Chapter 3, verses 17-19 came back to me as I thought of our God as a just God:

    “Though the fig tree does not bud 
        and there are no grapes on the vines,
    though the olive crop fails
        and the fields produce no food,
    though there are no sheep in the pen
        and no cattle in the stalls,
    yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
        I will be joyful in God my Savior.

    The Sovereign Lord is my strength;
        he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
        he enables me to tread on the heights.”
    Even if nothing is going his way, Habakkuk vows to rejoice in the Lord and trust him to be his Savior. He says nothing about how he deserves these good things (in a just world).  He doesn’t complain that he doesn’t have what he should.  He simply rejoices in God.

    Our first year of growing corn in our own garden!

    Because rainy season has begun here, everyone is working to farm any land they have available to them with maize (corn).  This is the staple food item to grind into maize flour to make nsima for breakfast, lunch and dinner. As I look across the landscape, I see freshly prepared soil and small green plants popping up everywhere.  This will be sustenance for each family as well as potential income for those with larger plots of land.  But without rain, the maize crops will fail…and then what?  With the majority of the country unemployed, this means hunger if not worse. 

    I can imagine more vividly now what it would mean to pray this prayer of Habakkuk chapter 3.  I can start to imagine the weight of having crops fail and no animals in the pen for those living solely off the land.  And I can try to imagine being in such a position and yet still rejoicing in my God without complaining.  And although I never want to find myself in such a position, that is the kind of heart I want to have.

    MUD DAY…first of many!

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    When we were preparing to come to Malawi, our mentors, who spent 40 years in Zambia, fondly reminisced about their “Dirtiest Days” with their two kids.  We can see why.  We thought our kids got dirty during the dry season, but now that rainy season is here, we can go through 3 outfits per kid and 2 baths a day!  (We strive not to make that a typical day, mind you).

    Although our kids would love every day to be that dirty, it’s not fun for the parents to do that every day.  Hence, “Mud Day” at the Owen house:

    • Let the kids get as dirty as they please
    • Let the kids experiment with water and dirt
    • Let loose as parents
    • Have fun with them in the process

    This video shows our very first Mud Day.  This was unscheduled…you can’t always plan these things, sometimes they just happen!  Enjoy!