Homesick

One big part of our first year in Malawi has been homesickness.  It can hit at any moment without notice and through the strangest things.  But mostly, it crops up as we’re enjoying our children’s squeals as they chase each other up and down the hallway or say something cute at the dinner table or do something new.  It hits the hardest, curiously enough, during the good times.  You might think the opposite would be true, that we’d be the most homesick when we were annoyed at how things are done differently here or when particularly challenging situations come up.  Homesickness can show its face then too. 

Sundays are the hardest.  I (Becky) am not sure why.  Maybe it’s the more relaxed pace or the familiar meals we’d always have on Sundays growing up:  toasted cheese, tomato soup, popcorn and something sweet.  We try to have these comfort foods here as well, but bake our own bread, buy cheese (shred it to make it stretch longer since all cheese is expensive here!), make tomato soup from scratch and bake sweets from scratch.  But it’s worth it!

Today was no different.  I was making dinner and it hit me.  The tears welled up.  The lump grew in my throat.  I missed having family nearby to call or visit…I began mixing up one of my “homesick foods” — brownies.

“Now I could really go for a big glass of Pennsylvania milk!” — Jonathan Long-life boxed milks and even fresh milk just don’t taste the same.

Often, when I’m homesick, I turn to “stress baking.”  This is not always wise.  Not that we consume that many sweets as a result, but when you’re stressed, you’re not always thinking straight.  So, the delightful, warm, comforting food you set out to make ends up burning, too tough, too crunchy…not quite what you had in mind, which makes you more stressed.  But, tonight, the brownies overcame all odds and turned out great!  They even got done before the power went out, as it often does on Sunday nights for a few hours.

I found this recipe several months ago and it hasn’t let me down once!  It’s worth sharing, because we’re not the only people that get homesick OR stressed – you may need this from time to time as well :o)

Best Brownie Recipe

Strangely enough, we haven’t heard many others talk about their homesickness here.  A few have.  Surely more people are homesick than let on, but then again, I’m realizing why I’m so very homesick.  I have roots.  Deep roots.  I grew up in the same town, moving only once, and that only being about a mile away.  I went to the same church from birth to the day I left for college.  The same family pastored that church that entire time.  My parents love me.  My brother and I have “always” gotten along (being a parent of toddlers, I know there were inevitably occasional fights!).  Even after getting married, I’ve lived within a few hours from most of my extended family.  Jonathan and I have always liked the idea of setting down roots.  It’s one of the things we “gave up” when answering “yes” to God calling us to Malawi.

Over this first year, we’ve begun to let our roots grow a little deeper here, but they are still young, shallow and even fragile.  It takes time and energy to engage a new place and people.  Do we risk building friendships with others who may leave in another year or two?  Do we dare set ourselves up for additional loss?  The expatriate community is quite transient in nature, most being committed to a two or three year term, some even shorter than that.  We’re in the same boat.  We don’t know if we’ll be here longer than our three year term, but we could be here for a lifetime.  Either way, we engage and befriend in hopes of sharing God’s love with others while we know them and while they’re close by.  At the same time, we let others serve us, befriending us, filling in a space that is hard to fill – not by replacing our family or friends back home, but by coming along side us as new, additional “family” and friends here.

No, not really.  Not that I enjoy breaking down in tears or missing out on family gatherings and happenings, but that each time I’m homesick, I remember how much I love and am loved.  A brief search online about missionary homesickness gave me advice to work more, avoid reading letters from home more than once, avoid looking at pictures from home and then work, work, work to avoid homesickness.  I do not like this advice.  I will not take it.  I am thankful for my home, my family, my friends.  I am also thankful for being able to serve in Malawi, build new friendships, and experience new things.  I did find some useful advice here: missionary homesick advice

No, I want those I love to book a flight on the next plane to come here!  I want them to see where we live, where we worship, where Jonathan teaches, where the kids play, meet the people we know and even the places we shop.  I want to share this new place, not leave it. 

So, we take it one day at a time.  We look forward to the visitors who will come and the Skype dates we are able to have.  We miss you, our family, friends, and churches who have been our support both near and far.  Thank you, we love you.